The characteristics of a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Sensitivity is a personality trait that everyone has; however, it is a continuum from “low sensitive” to “highly sensitive” where the majority of people fall somewhere in the middle.

Our level of sensitivity is partly due to our genes and partly depends on how emotionally supportive the environment was in which we were raised.

Dr Elaine Aron coined the term “Highly Sensitive Person” and first introduced it to the public in her book  “The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You”.

According to her research, HSPs have certain characteristics in common:

• Processing things very deeply and noticing connections that others don’t notice

• Becoming easily overwhelmed or overstimulated in highly stimulating environments

• Picking up on emotional cues and feeling a deep degree of empathy for others

• Noticing small and subtle things that others often overlook

HSPs are more sensitive to all sensory input.

If you find you are highly sensitive, Dr Aron would like you to know the following:

• You are definitely not alone.

• Your trait is normal. It is found in 15 to 20% of the population – not enough to be well understood by the majority of those around you.

• It is innate. Biologists have found it in over 100 species. This trait reflects a certain type of survival strategy, being observant before acting. The brains of HSPs actually work a little differently than others’. 

• You are more aware than others of subtleties. This is mainly because your brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply.

• You are also more easily overwhelmed. If you notice everything, you are naturally going to be overstimulated when things are too intense, complex or chaotic for a long time.

• This trait is not a new discovery, but it has been misunderstood. Because HSPs prefer to look before entering new situations, they are often called “shy.” But shyness is learned, not innate. In fact, 30% of HSPs are extroverts, although the trait is often mislabelled as introversion.

• Sensitivity is valued differently in different cultures. In cultures where it is not valued, they feel abnormal

Being a highly sensitive person in a world not built for us can feel overwhelming, but people with this trait tend to excel at creativity, empathy, and the ability to notice things that others miss.

When we find ways to embrace our high sensitivity and create a supportive environment and nurturing routines, we do thrive.

Are you highly sensitive? QUESTIONNAIRE (Copyright, Elaine N. Aron, 1996)

Instruction: Answer each question according to the way you feel. Tick each statement that is at least somewhat true for you; leave unticked if it is not very true or not at all true for you.

1. I seem to be aware of subtleties of my environment
2. Other people’s moods affect me
3. I tend to be very sensitive to pain
4. I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days, into bed or into a darkened room or anyplace where I can have some privacy or relief from stimulation
5. I am particularly sensitive to caffeine
6. I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights strong smells coarse fabrics or sirens close by
7. I have a rich complex inner life
8. I am made uncomfortable by loud noises
9. I am deeply moved by the arts or music
10. I am conscientious
11. I startle easily
12. I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time
13. When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment, I tend to know what needs to be done to make it more comfortable
14. I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once
15. I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things
16. I make it a point to avoid violent movies and TV shows
17. I become unpleasantly aroused when there is a lot going on around me
18. Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me disrupting my concentration or mood
19. Changes in my life shake me up
20. I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, works of art
21. I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations
22. When I must compete or be observed while doing a task, I become so nervous and shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise
23. When I was a child my parents or teachers seemed to see me as sensitive or shy

Scoring: If you answered more than fourteen of the questions as true of yourself, you are probably highly sensitive. But no psychological test is so accurate that an individual should base his or her life on it.

Introversion and high sensitivity often get lumped together. It’s easy to get them confused, as according to Dr Elain Aron’s research an estimated 70% of HSPs are introverts. However, they are two distinctively different traits.

In a nutshell, Introversion is all about energy. When introverts are around people, they expend energy. Extroverts, on the other hand, gain energy from being around people. That doesn’t mean introverts dislike social settings–just that it takes energy from them, and they will likely need to limit their social time or seek recuperation later on.

High sensitivity means you are more sensitive to the world around you – emotions as well as physical surroundings. You can see how this is not the same as gaining/losing energy in social settings, which is what introversion is about.

Common Myths about Introverts and HSPs

Myth: They are shy and socially awkward
Myth: They want to stay inside all day and not talk to people.
Myth: They dislike public speaking.

Truth: While these things are sometimes true, they are not indicative of introverts or HSPs. The first two sound more like social anxiety. The last one – being a bad public speaker – has nothing to do with either.

Quiz Time

Which of the following sounds like HSP vs. introversion?

1. There is a humming background noise in my office that drives me bonkers

2. I saw a homeless person yesterday and haven’t been able to stop thinking about them.

3. I have been at this party for hours; I feel worn out and want to go home!

4. I don’t like people!

Answers:

1. HSP

2. HSP

3. Introversion

4. Neither–trick question! This sounds more like social anxiety…or something else.

This is a very basic (and some might say, oversimplified) description of the difference between HSP and introversion.

If you want to find out more about different types of introversion, check out this free resource by Flourishing Introverts: https://yourintroverttype.co.uk/

People with these personality traits tend to be drawn to self-study, quiet reflection, and contemplation. Such study and practices often enable us to make great strides in our growth and healing. However, we all have blind spots – ways in which we hold ourselves back and sabotage our best intentions without even realising it. In these situations, it can be priceless to have an outside perspective.

As introverts and highly sensitive people, we often have a smaller circle of friends and family, which means that it can be harder to find a person who is actually capable of giving us such an outside perspective.

Introverts tend to be good at being quiet and listening.  Highly sensitive people tend to be packed with empathy and compassion for other people. This means that we can easily become sounding boards for everyone else’s issues and our own stuff never gets the attention it deserves. 

Does any of the following ring true?

• You would really like to talk through a personal issue with a friend or family member, but somehow you never manage to turn the conversation to yourself.

• Or if you do, you get talked over or interrupted or the other person’s attention is directed at 16 things other than your issue.

If yes, a coaching session can be the one safe haven where you won’t be talked over and it’s all about YOU! 

Many introverts and highly sensitive people need and desire a lifestyle that is not the society’s norm. Friends and family don’t get why we would want something different and often end up feeding our self-doubt rather than helping us overcome it. That can leave us without the validation, support and encouragement we do need, even though we may be an introvert.

I know what it’s like when you need and want something different, but nobody gets it and nobody’s there to support you the way you need to be supported.  And I’ve also experienced the sigh of relief when you finally feel understood and supported.

I want to give you an outside perspective plus the attention and support that you deserve, all in an environment where introversion and high sensitivity are accepted and celebrated.

THAT’S what I want to give you as your coach. 

Ways in which I try to make my coaching sessions Introvert- and HSP-friendly

• Working at a pace that is manageable and safe for your nervous system

• No pushing

• Plenty of space to pause, think, feel into something during a session

• Acknowledging that some of the biggest take-aways and insights might come to you not during our session but afterwards when you start processing

• Having a way to document and keep track of these developments.

• Working online via zoom cuts out added stress of “having to go somewhere.”

• Freedom to set the pace/ frequency at which you schedule sessions (weekly, every other week, monthly, or at variable intervals, depending on your capacity and needs).
   
• Option to do voice only Zoom or telephone calls, it you find Zoom calls too visually stimulating.

YOUR INVESTMENT

1. Single session: One 1-hour session £ 85

2. Foundation Package: Three 1-hour sessions £ 240

3. Thrive Package: Six 1-hour sessions £ 400

Please don’t hesitate to contact me with any additional questions.